Starring Kristen Stewart, Vincent Cassel Jessica Henwick
Directed by William Eubank
Certificate 15


You’ll not find the RAFTU genre in any film book. Like TOAM (trapped on a mountain) movies, it’s my shorthand for a well worn genre that surfaces from time to time.
In this case ’running away from things underwater’.
Thirty plus years ago Hollywood was awash with them, from James Cameron’s hit and miss The Abyss, to cheaper offerings such as Deepstar Six and Leviathan. Recently the excellent Sea Fever proved that you don’t need to spend a fortune to make an excellent watery alien thriller, and at the other end of the spectrum is Underwater.

Kristen Stewart, looking like a Pink tribute act, is Nora, the lean heroine who is a dab hand with engineering stuff, which is handy when all hell breaks loose in the first few minutes on her deep sea drilling rig.

As she regroups with her surviving crew members, they spend the rest of the film travelling from A to B in semi darkness or CG murk. There are echoes of Gravity, Life and assorted other thrillers as Nora tackles demons in the briny depths.

If you’ve never seen the aforementioned thrillers then you may be hooked, but while cast and crew do their best, the echoes of superior offerings like Alien haunt the corridors of the assorted bases. And the beasts themselves look like they were plucked from a book of generic deep sea creatures.

As a video game this probably would have worked a lot better, but as a film it’s almost crushed under the weight of predictability.
Thankfully in its defence the last 10 minutes is well worth a look for not opting for the most obvious solution. Just a shame the second act was so muddled.
If you want to enhance the experience a little, around the 83-minute mark, watch it again with ’Try’ by Pink instead of the usual soundtrack. It makes for a rather rewarding finale.

Cast 8
Script 5
Direction 7
Score 7
Effects 7

Starring Anne Bergfeld, Karin Michelsen and Damon Younger

Directed by Sorel Juul Petersen

This Danish/English language chiller is a film of two halves. The first is a compelling thriller reminiscent of classic 1970s offering And Soon the Darkness.

It centres on Agnes Berger and her colleague Belinda Andersen, who are working the night shift at a petrol station. Their backstories are fleshed out, and we start to like the fractious relationship between the duo. Intercut are scenes of what’s to come, and it doesn’t bode well.

So after that compelling build up, when we root for the duo and we want things to work out well, it becomes just another torture porn thriller, with Damon Younger giving a compelling turn as the eponymous bad guy.

The heroines become the terrorised stars of a show streamed on the dark web. Held captive by a sadistic ringmaster and his colleagues, Agnes and Belinda’s survival instincts are pushed to the limit as they are forced to play a game of life and death as an unseen audience decide their fate.

Anne Bergfeld is a wonderful lead. Alluring, intelligent and as scream queens go, she’s up there with the best of them. Karin Michelsen is terrific as her fellow victim. For the most part it’s well crafted, tense and a gripping watch, but then it just turns into the worst parts of Hostel, the Saw sequels and all those awful films from a decade ago where film makers thought that watching people being tortured was good horror. It really isn’t. And the fact this is all a hook for a dark webisode is more dated than disco. One scene involving a piercing is so stomach-churning, you may want to go and make a cuppa.

I wish it weren’t so well shot and acted by some of the cast, because there’s half of a great film here. Just a shame 50 per cent is so morally reprehensible. A crying shame.

Cast 8

Art direction 8

Script 7

Editing 8

Cinematography 8

Part one: 8

Part two: 1

Starring Stefan Sauk, Lena Nilsson, Carolin Stoltz

Director Kristian A Söderström

Certificate 18
@RogerCrow

On the surface, this looks like a generic stalk and slash thriller, a throwback to the era of Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and assorted Dario Argento movies like Tenebrae.

However, while it may wear its Italian horror influences on its sleeve, it’s also an occasionally touching study of two troubled, lonely souls attempting to find love.

The protagonist, Ennio, is obsessed with VHS videos. He has a basement full of rare tapes, and when a collector offers him a fortune for a rare tape he picked up, it’s a chance to wipe out his debts in one fell swoop.

There’s one problem: the tape goes missing, and he spends the bulk of the movie looking for it. Intercut with his search is a seasoned alcoholic office worker with an estranged daughter. Naturally their paths collide, but he’s so outspoken and consumed by his hatred of social media that he pushes her away.

If, like me, you love movies, romcoms, surreal arthouse European films, and Italian horror flicks, then this is right up your street. It’s trippy, occasionally funny, mostly unusual, and you never know where it’s going next.

A Trojan horse of a movie in that it’s a romance concealed in the belly of a generic thriller. I’ve no idea whether it would translate as a remake, but who cares? It’s a compelling adult watch that should attract a massive cult following.

8.5

Starring Jimi Jackson, Thomas Sainsbury, JoJo Waaka
Directed by Shae Sterling
No certificate

@RogerCrow

Riko (Jimi Jackson) lives in a small New Zealand town in the middle of nowhere. Life was pretty normal until two aliens crash landed near his house. He welcomes the ETs and together they develop an intergalactic relationship of epic proportions.
Meanwhile, Peter Mackintosh (Thomas Sainsbury) has tracked the aliens and Riko, and plans to capture them and reveal them to the world.

I really wanted to like this stoner comedy, and there’s a lot going for it. A glorious score, some stunning locations, excellent camera work, and some cool looking aliens.
The trouble is the cast are just okay, the script is pretty average and nearly all of the gags fall flat.

There are some gross out jokes that probably sound like they were penned by a 10 year old, and a few sight gags that feel tired.
Because Peter Jackson and Taika Waititi have done such a stunning job of making their unique mark on the New Zealand film industry, a knockabout farce like this was always going to seem pretty inferior compared to offerings like Bad Taste or Eagle vs Shark.

It also falls way short of similar comedy Paul from a few years ago.
So while it has plenty of energy and the tech crew clearly know how to get the most from a limited budget, the script needed a lot more work. Not that it should have been over written, as irreverence and ad-libbing can be comedy gold, but it needed that little something extra.
Shae Sterling has a great movie in him, but sadly this isn’t it.

Score 8
Editing 8
Cinematography 8
Direction 7
Script 2

Starring Josh McConville, Bonnie Sveen and Hugh Sheridan 

Directed by Storm Ashwood 

Certificate 18

Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

After his men are killed in Burma, a lone soldier returns home in search of solace. Hiding a dark secret and confronted by an unrelenting journalist, he’s forced to face the ghosts of his past. That’s the premise of this generic “war is hell” drama which is reminiscent of so many better offerings.

The hero (Josh McConville) looks like Phil Collins in his younger, bearded days, and there’s a soap-style quality to some of the scenes as our troubled protagonist ties to avoid killing himself. 

However, it begins well with a rousing score (take a bow Michael Lira); great photography at magic hour (kudos to Wade Muller), and a helicopter shot like the opening of Predator.

There’s an interesting love scene when the obligatory PTSD flashbacks and a very muddy bed get in the way of the romance, and moments of grimness as our captured hero and his mate have to endure all manner of nastiness at the hands of their captors. So yes, a bit like Deer Hunter.

I doubt it needed 15 producers, which may be the problem; too many cooks throwing in their opinion waters down the best of screenplays, but the casting is also wrong. Josh McConville is good, but he’s not leading man material. 

So it’s not a masterpiece, but hardcore genre fans may enjoy it, and the lack of acting baggage helps sell the premise. Expect little and it may be your cuppa, but only if you’ve never seen First Blood, The Deer Hunter, Predator, Lethal Weapon and many similar offerings.

7.5

Starring Tom Brooke, Harry Melling, Anna Maxwell Martin

Directed by Harry Michell

Certificate 15

Orphaned brothers and Christian radicals Tim and Vic arrive in Ilkley with the task of assassinating controversial Professor John Huxley. 

However, after a case of mistaken identity, they have murdered the wrong man. Now stuck in the town during Ilkley’s busiest weekend, they wait for the arrival of a foreboding mentor to give them instruction. 

The mission must still be completed – that’s providing Vic’s rage, Tim’s doubts or the efforts of foul-mouthed Detective Inspector Brough don’t get in the way first.

There’s so much about this comedy drama which appeals. The casting is perfect, especially a scene-stealing Anna Maxwell Martin, whose turn as the potty mouthed Brough is sublime. I could quite happily watch a series with her and absurdly engaging sidekick TI Hodge (Flora Spencer-Longhurst).

Roger Allam is also perfect as the writer in the line of fire – that mellifluous voice is a treat for the ears.

Derek Jacobi can do no wrong in a key role as Father Enoch. Tom Brooke and Harry Melling are great as the troubled brothers, and Vinette Robinson is splendid in support. There’s a nice running gag with a male voice choir who stitch the scenes together and aptly act as a chorus to accentuate the more dramatic moments.

The Ilkley locations are super, and it ticks over nicely, with some snappy editing. 

Though reminiscent of In Bruges and Sightseers, it treads its own path. 

Say Your Prayers could have been tighter, and the epilogue will annoy many, but this is well worth a look, even if the debate about the rights and wrongs of religion could have taken more of a back seat. More Brough and Hodge though please, even if it’s just them on a stakeout for an hour eating doughnuts and discussing the weather. 

Cast 9

Script 8

Direction 8

Score 8

Editing 8

Starring Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, Helena Bonham Carter

Directed by Harry Bradbeer

Cert 12

Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

I can’t say I was desperate to see a film about Sherlock Holmes’ little sister, but stranger things have happened. Yes, that tortuous segue is one way of mentioning the fact that Millie Bobby Brown wins the brightest star of 2020 award by not only starring in this film, and stealing every scene she’s in, but also producing the movie. No, not one of those vanity “Associate” or “Executive Producer” titles which stars get just for turning up, but actually producing the film. Not bad for a 16 year old.

Cut from the same cloth as Robert Downey Jnr’s Sherlock Holmes movies, it sees an impressive Henry Cavill taking a back seat as Conan Doyle’s beloved detective. The plot involves Enola’s upbringing, a renegade young toff, and the eponymous heroine’s missing mother.

Naturally there’s a sub plot involving the suffrage movement, and action scenes with a steam train, and also the ever reliable Burn Gorman doing his sinister assassin routine. With Helena Bonham Carter and Frances De la Tour chewing the scenery, and some gorgeous landscapes, both rural and London based this is a lot of fun.

It’s superbly directed by Harry Bradbeer, who helped turn Fleabag and Killing Eve into THE comedy dramas of the past decade. So yes, there’s plenty of fourth wall-breaking, but with the wrong actor it could have been a disaster.

Thankfully Ms Brown nails every wink, smile and knowing look to camera. And there’s plenty of visual tricks to keep the audience engaged when the plot starts to sag a little. Animated bits, sketches, torn paper – just a feast for the eyes.

I can only guess at the huge budget, but every penny is up there on screen. In a normal year this would have been a great big screen treat for the whole family, but I’m guessing Netflix only intended it for home audiences, and kudos to them and Legendary Pictures for setting the standard so high.

I may have to watch it again. The plot is far from elementary, but as mentioned, it is a lot of fun, and a sequel would be more than welcome.

8.5

Sunday, September 27

Movie wise it’s a pretty poor day on the box, unless you fancy a disaster fest. The Day After Tomorrow 4.35pm and Armageddon 9pm will brighten the mood on Sony Movie Channel. New ice age? Pah. Killer asteroid? So what? We may as well be living in an age directed by Roland Emmerich and Irwin Allen.
The Fault in Our Stars is also worth a mention (Channel 4, 10.55pm), but have plenty of tissues on standby as this Love Story for the noughties will rip your heart out and slap you across the face with it.
However, if you can put up with the endless ad breaks, then the following should appeal.

About Time (Channel 5, 4.35pm)
How much you love Richard Curtis’s bittersweet romcom depends how willing you are to believe that the men in Domhnall Gleeson’s family can travel in time by going into enclosed spaces.

If you’ve lost a dad between viewings, then this rescreening may be unbearable, because like Mike and the Mechanics’ Living Years, it beats us over the head with the message of “Make the most of your folks while they’re here because one day you won’t get the chance”. Yes, we know. I did.

While Rachel McAdams is perfect as the hero’s love interest, it’s Margot Robbie in pre-superstar mode who steals the film, along with Bill Nighy of course.

A frothy confection with a sweet centre, and a sprinkling of screen magic. It might break your heart or warm a cold dead one just a little. Either way, it’s well worth a look, not least for Tom Holland as a super grumpy uncle.

What’s on the box? Well, chances are you‘ve seen them already, but if you haven’t or want a second look, here’s four of the best.

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (ITV2, 4.40pm)
Time-shifting ABBA-themed, decade later cash-in or heartfelt, feelgood crowd pleaser? Be amazed as those old classics are shoehorned into the not bad script, and yearn for Ms Streep in more than just the finale.

https://crowsfeat.wordpress.com/2018/08/19/film-review-mamma-mia-here-we-go-again/

Passengers (Film4, 9pm)
Visually stunning, hugely awkward love story with J Lawrence and C Pratt as the star cross’d, star travellers, and Michael Sheen as robot barman who gleefully drops a bombshell, but no glasses. Tricky spoilerific dilemma. You’re the only one on a malfunctioning spaceship destined to die of loneliness. Do you defrost the world’s most beautiful writer and sign her death warrant, or grow a massive beard and potter about until you drop dead? Why not do both?
https://crowsfeat.wordpress.com/2016/12/26/passengers-2016-film-review/

Edge of Tomorrow (Sony Movie Channel, 9pm)
To be Blunt, it runs out of steam once Cruise steps out of his exo suit in the third act, but Doug Liman’s epic sci-fi Groundhog Day/obscure novel conversion is a lot of fun, and all the more poignant as it was one of Bill Paxton final movies. Shot near that amazing Harry Potter attraction in London triv fans. Yes, another (Live, Die) repeat, but well worth it.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/roger-crow/edge-of-tomorrow-the-revi_b_5424413.html?ncid=other_email_o63gt2jcad4&utm_campaign=share_email

Man Up (BBC One, 00.20)
Simon Pegg and (accent perfect) Lake Bell in formulaic but fun mistaken identity romcom, with Rory Kinnear on good form as obligatory predatory mate, and stand out Duran-themed gobsmacker. The most Richard Curtis-style Britcom ever, but well worth it.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/roger-crow/man-up-the-review_b_7480188.html?ncid=other_email_o63gt2jcad4&utm_campaign=share_email

Starring Lulu Wilson, Kevin James, Joel McHale

Directed by Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion

Cert 18

By Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

Rebellious 13-year-old Becky and her (one-note) father head for a weekend getaway at a lake house in an effort to reconnect. For Becky, the trip takes a turn for the worse when her father’s new girlfriend and her son show up as well. But that’s the least of her problems: before long, a group of escaped convicts, led by the murderous Dominick, take the family hostage.

However, they haven’t reckoned on the rage and resourcefulness of Becky as they seek a mcguffin. That’s the set-up for this surprisingly effective variation of Die Hard/Deliverance/Home Alone formula ably directed by Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion.

Lulu Wilson (Sharp Objects) gives a great turn as the teen with anger management issues, while Joel McHale (Community) is fine as the dad who’s trying to forge bonds with his blended family and his daughter.

Perhaps most surprising is an almost unrecognisable Kevin James (Paul Blart) as the head bad guy. A neo-Nazi with a huge beard, he commands every scene he’s in. Solid support comes from Amanda Brugel (The Handmaid’s Tale) and kudos to the editors for the seamless bisecting storylines in the first act.

There are moments of torture porn involving an eyeball and a ruler that will leave some reaching for the off switch, and animal lovers will hate it. Yes, it’s another movie in which dogs are sacrificial pawns for bad guys, but if you can stomach all of those scenes, this is a rather good thriller with 14-year-old Lulu Wilson stealing the show as a girl you definitely don’t want to get on the wrong side of.

8